I "contracted" (I never know what word to say...devloped? caught? was given as a gift?) RA when I was very young. I was 29 years old. Actually, when I look back, the symptoms began 2 weeks after my 28th birthday, but it took until the middle of my 29th year to receive a diagnosis. Life was not as hard then as it would get...but somehow I thought it was then.
When I turned 30, I eloped and got pregnant within the first month of that year! After the birth of my son, the RA that went into remission with pregnancy returned with a vengeance. It progressed somehow with his birth, and progressed again last year, at year 5. (That second part is not related, but just a caution.) In any case, I often think God knew what he was doing when he sent my son that year. It was clearly going to be harder for me to care for a baby after that year.
Nevertheless, we tried anyway. Each time I would go off the meds. to get pregnant, I would literally be unable to walk within a short time, 2 months to be exact. Though the last time, it was probably only one month. At one point, we came off Orencia, the only drug that ever worked for me - after 11 months. It never worked again. And no drug has since in these two years. Talk about regret! Eventually, I decided that God had different plans for us, perhaps adoption, perhaps a busy career...it has not been revealed to me yet. ;)
But here is the problem, and wherein lies my quesstion (that was not so quick as I thought it would be): I often get asked if/when I will have another child. It is obvious to people who know us that I'm in my 30's. Certainly time is running out. I used to answer that I didn't know. Now I can honestly answer that "No. There will not be another one."
I can clearly tell that this answer bothers most people. So often, I would explain that I had RA, and that it was too difficult for me to stop my meds., so we really couldn't afford to try anymore.
Then, it becomes obvious that they are pitying me!
So here's the question: Do I allow people to judge me harshly, unfairly, or do I open myself up to their pity? Which is worse?
I'm hoping you guys can help.