Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Bless me Father, for...Wait...Nope, Didn't Sin

I take drugs. There I've said it.

Ok, so we're all laughing, because we all take drugs, right? The point of half of our conversations is to find out who is responding to what when and how, right?

Well ok...so I take RA drugs, and even though those have the scariest side effects, no one really cares to ask me about them.

Hmmmm...Why is that?

I guess they are just not "scandalous" enough for folks.

They want to know about the OTHER kind, the kind that I get from a very intelligent and highly qualified medical professional whom would not risk her liscense on a stranger by giving her a handful of drugs to swallow at will. NO!

She does, however, prescribe me a couple of things for the pain I live with daily while we wait for something to take hold. I know it will. It has before, and I've left the pain meds in the medicine cabinet where they stayed, until like a dumbass, I stopped Orencia to try and conceive. (Note to anyone trying to conceive: we were dumb, but you may not be as unlucky as I with biologics, so you go for it.)

In any case, I can bet MY LIFE that I am NOT addicted to pain medicine. Here is an actual conversation I've had in my house this week:

Hubby: Sit down; you are in pain and its time for a pain pill.

Me: You know they hardly work when I'm not on any biologics anyway.

Hubby: True. At least take some motrin then.

Me: Fine. They work almost the same anyway.

Now that all 43 of us know the intimate details of my conversations, could one of you PLEASE call my well-meaning, but definitely nosey and misled relatives and tell them I'm not quite the crackhead they might think I am, that just because I am forced to swallow opiates from time to time b/c I have a progressive debhilitating disease, I'm REALLY not ready to party down with Lindsay Lohan!

I am so sick of the endless questions about the pills. Seriously? It would even be o.k. if you threw in a question about my daily obstacles or small victories that I manage despite this nasty disease. Save your questions, b/c I'm not one to give you the scandal you desire...unless of course you want to peek into the room when my hubby comes home from a week long business trip. But that's another subject entirely!

In fact..."Forgive Me, Father...For I Have Sinned After All."


  1. this one drives me crazy. When I was introduced to codeine - which enabled me to actually laugh again after starting every day crying in the shower for months - several people had that very earnest addiction conversation with me, as well. And guess what - I am addicted. To living my life. That means I need the big drugs.

    These days, when people trot out the addiction issue, I sometimes give them the addiction vs. dependence educational speech # 347. Other times, when I can't be bothered, I tell them I'm addicted to big pain medication the same way a diabetic is addicted to insulin. That usually shuts them up. ;)

  2. Me too. Sometimes I get the feeling that they ask me about my medications only so that they can comment on them. Like it doesn't even matter what my answer is, they have already determined that I need to hear that xyz is blah blah blah. And somewhat on yet somewhat off topic comment-I would actually MUCH rather have RA than have Lindsay Lohan's parents...and I truly mean that.

  3. I get this alot from friends. They have no f*cking clue what it's like to live in pain and have your children staring at you in bed in the AM wanting you to get up and make pancakes. Thanks to the pain meds, I can. However, I do repeat myself alot, and this one particular friend wants me to get HELP. I am so tired of trying to please other people. She says my children are suffering. Are you serious? you haven't seen them in over a year, and she has no idea what goes on at my house. And have a brought up the cocaine addiction that she had 4 years ago? NO. because I am not going to judge her. Her 2 year old son has cancer. I want to help as much as I can, but if all she thinks of me is a "junkie", is it time to write off this friend? or just give it a break. It breaks my heart and I am SICK of worrying if day to day if she's pissed at me. So screw them. They aren't in our shoes. The ones with no heals because it hurts too much them. Unlike themselves.

  4. Yeah, this one pretty much pisses me off. I sometimes stop myself from taking pain meds when I SHOULD because I'm worried about becoming addicted - but the truth is, I'm not really all that worried about this. What it really boils down to being afraid of what other people will think! Truth is, pain meds are designed to be used by people IN PAIN!!! If that's not us, then who is it? Lately I've been learning to give myself a break and use the meds when I need them. It's sad that it's been so hard for me to do that.

  5. :O
    I'm at a loss for words.

    No, I'm not. I'm just astonished at people's audacity. Do people really think it's any of their business what medications your doctor has prescribed? I don't think I'd tell people - my answer would be more along the lines of, "why do you ask?" followed by, "thanks for the concern, but between my doctors and my pharmacist, I think the safety issues have been thoroughly addressed."

    I'm so sorry that you have such clueless people harassing you :(

  6. Mine are like horse pills. I feel like I am being punished for “past” sins. Of course, as you mentioned, the side effects are an even bigger punishment. You are right that pain meds, after awhile all work the same, THEY DON’T WORK.

    Do you really want to party with that “milkaholic?” Remember that recent E-trade commercial?

    But I know what you mean about the endless questions. Obstacles and small victories – no one gets those but those living with the disease. I am glad that throughout your ranting and raving, your sense of humor is still in tact. It really makes a difference, doesn’t it?

  7. I get that eyeball roll from my sister regarding my occasional use of opiate painkillers. She's a respiratory therapist, works in a hospital in New Mexico, and naturally sees a lot of opiate addiction/abuse in her work there day-to-day. And because RA is "invisible," and we don't see each other often, her reaction to me taking these meds is negative. It's insulting; I've done my best to just ignore her. But it hurts, doesn't it, when the people you love (and who you believe love you back) think the worst of you without reason.

    Like you, I take these drugs when I need them. I don't like them much, but it's nice when they actually do help relieve the pain I'm in. I don't abuse them. It's possible I'm dependent upon them -- that's almost impossible to avoid if you take them with any regularity, but addicted? Would I lie to my doctor about my pain to get them? No.

    This is, I guess, another one of those issues those of us with chronic pain just have to deal with, SB. It's annoying, but really, it's no one's business but ours. I'm with Socks on this one. Take the painkillers as you need them. Enjoy the relief they bring, when they do. And don't even give those negative relatives the pleasure of a response. Grrr.

  8. First they question wether or not your a hypochondriac. Then they question your ability or lack of to do... well poop, most anything on a bad day. Then they question wether or not you have good doctors who know what they are doing. Then they question the method you attack back the disease. Then they question wether your on the right medication and the "do you really need to take all those drugs". To which I say, STFU please!!! NOSEY... that does not begin to describe how others treat those of us in chronic unabating pain. We loose many relationships in this battle against the monster but together, we who have the disease can hopefully remove the stigma that others place on us. To your well meaning relative, offer to help instead of judging or... STFU!! Hugs. Taz

  9. Well, there are NO medals for martrydom here. Take the damn pills. Yep, we all hate them. I know my body gets the shakes as it misses the codeine and the other stuff that goes in if I miss it.
    One thing I would tell you is that I am at the end of a VERY long list of RA Biologics. Several have tried to kill me, kidney failure, serum sickness, brain stem neurone damage and the lasting neuropathy etc the last giving me full anaphalaxis. I cannot take the steroids as I once did as my saving grace (given me addisons and other things too).
    In the end the choices were chemo, bone marrow transplant or 1 last go at the bioligics having sworn never to do it to myself or my family again.
    this time, i have been blessed with a drug I generally tollerate and seems to WORK. Praying like mad I dont catch anything of course. Dont write them all off- you might have little choice one day. I wish it was not like this, RA is a horrid nasty, cloak and dagger disease that suddenly accelerates and is so much harder again.
    I did stop the meds, took steroids, had a charcoal wash out and had a baby- she is the main source of happiness in my life at 2.5!

  10. silly mare- didnt tell you the name of the drug! It is Cimzia, just licensed here in the Uk, think it has been in America for a while.