It has been a busy time for the Superbitch. I have been simultaneously coming to grips with the fact that my life has been altered likely forever, spent time in the hospital because of my RA, spent time in the hospital because of an unrelated issue, and have tried in general to live the life of a busy Mom who is getting ready for Christmas and putting on a happy face for her kid, her friends and her relatives.
Up until last week, I have pretty much felt like I have come up lacking this year in terms of accomplishing most of my goals, both long term and short. We are still financially unstable. I am still struggling to find adequate treatment for my disease. I am behind on my Christmas baking, and my hair is in desperate need of some professional attention.
And then... a Christmas miracle...Well, 2 of them.
The first is that I started a new drug, a new NEW drug. That is right, one of the newbies. And while I am not going to be running any marathons anytime soon, I will say that coming from where I stared only 2 weeks ago -- which was pretty much hospitalized with horrible swelling and pain-- I have not only gotten back to where I was before this horrible autumn, but each day I am seeing some small improvement. So perhaps there is some hope on the horizon. I watch with cautious optimism. As we all know, I've been fooled before...as in 6 years of being fooled. I know, I know - I'm slow!
The second thing that happened is my very sweet neighbor came by with some treats. Now my neighbor is not ill. She is my age, a college professor, childless. Her home is always spotless. Oh yes, and did I mention she is getting another degree in her spare time?
Upon walking into my home, her hands flew to her hair and I saw something lovely come upon her countenance: panic! Yes! She suddenly exclaimed that she had no idea how I had managed to put up my tree, decorate it, shop for dozens of presents, wrap them, put them under the tree, address Christmas cards, and do all this while recovering from a hospital stay. She admitted she was hopelessy behind the ball.
Score 1 for Superbitch!!!
And then it hit me. I had been doing what I have been doing my entire life...shooting for a 10, missing...but... landing at an 8...which is several steps higher than anyone else expected, except, of course, myself!
And I remember the exact moment I started this trend. I was a teen. I was staying with my favorite crazy Aunt that we all know and love. I came "home" to the bedroom I was occupying to find a framed quote leaning upon my pillow. It said, "Shoot for the Moon - Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."
Later we talked about it, and we agreed it was great advice. But I remember now that I had been secretly thinking, "Who wants to miss? I'll land on the moon for sure."
Well, guess what...I did miss. And guess what...she was right...because I aimed so so high, I continue to achieve more than anyone expects.
So this is what I figure. I'm going to keep the moon in my sight...BUT! I'm learning to appreciate the view from where I land.
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That's always the hardest thing to do, SB -- appreciate what we have as opposed to what we want and wish for. Human nature, I guess. But it's great that you were able to see it, thanks to your neighbor.
ReplyDeleteAs to the new drug working, well, my swelly fingers are crossed for you. This disease is incredibly frustrating, but there ARE possibilities for change.
It just occured to me that maybe your stress level has contributed to your pain. I'm NOT saying that it's all in your head -- I hate it when people imply that. But sometimes stress just exacerbates the pain and inflammation. Have you tried meditation?
Anyway. Good to hear your spirits are up and that your pain level is down some. I'm looking forward to your next rant. :o)
-Wren
What a wonderful post - this cheered me up on a rainy, achy morning. I'm a shoot-for-the-moon type, too, and tend to be really hard on myself whenever I don't get there.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to hear this new med seems to be working, and I'll be excited to hear more from you as time goes on. I have to say, without Enbrel I'd be a total mess - but it took years and years to find the right combination of meds. I'm thinking of you and hoping you continue seeing improvement. Go, SB!
I hope your new med works for you and I hope the new rheum doc does too. Yes, I can relate to this post. Sometimes, I shock myself with how much I do despite RA. You just learn that your life goes on despite the pain and feeling sick. You just do. I often say that my life experiences prepared me for RA. IF not for who I was in the psst, I would not be strong today. Good for you getting all that done. You are amazing.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy to hear this! A very wise person told me a year or so ago that yes, a lot of things have gone very, very, very wrong but in the midst of that, a few things are actually very very right and that the challenge is to pinpoint those things that are right because they can be elusive. You sound like me- shooting for the 10, landing at 8, and (I'm speculating here) not being happy with 8 even though most people are at a 6. Good for you! What new meds are you on?
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